Searching for the White Rabbit

I went through and deleted all the photos in previous posts. I realised i have said some pretty fucked up things and shared maybe a little too much information on here. The people that can read this that actually know me in real life, please dont judge me on whats written here and please dont mention it to other people. I shouldnt really share this much info on the internet but i really need an outlet. theres some things in my past that i am not proud of and i have sometimes acted really stupidly to try and deal with different things. I think i am a different person now, i have come to realise certain things are important and most things i used to think were important are not at all. I would delete the entire blog but i just cant bring myself to do it... its sometimes good to read over the past things i have written and realise what a superficial dickhead i can be. I'm going through such a hrd time right now and certain people are not making it any easier. Shouldnt your boyfriend be there to help you? not make it all harder and make me feel like i need to please everyone else. I am so sick of trying to be happy for other people. If i wanna lie in bed and sleep all day and stay up all night im going to do it. I dont want to socialise with other people or leave the house to do normal things. why should i? i dont feel normal at all. i dont even feel part of this world anymore. oh well hopefully this blog is a little more anonymous than it was.